The Bottom Trouble
by The Violent Tomboy
Summary: A crazy missingnin performs the horrid Butt Sticking no Jutsu on Naruto and Sasuke! How will the two survive with their asses stuck together for 24 hours?
1. Yumeko

So here it is, the story that won in the poll on what to post first in my last Naruto story. For the purposes of this story, everyone's three years older than what they were in the beginning, and Sasuke's back from Orochimaru, who will probably have no true role in this story unless I decide to bring him in for crack. This plotline came after brainstorming for a sequel for my Teen Titans story, _Voice Problems_. Check it out on my profile if you want, plenty of random humor in a steady (but short) plotline. After this story is done, I'll have to write up that Inuyasha/Naruto crossover that the other people wanted to read first instead of this one.

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Team 7 was waiting in a small clearing inside the forest area of Konoha, waiting for their beloved Kakashi-sensei to arrive with one of his lame excuses to explain why he was late.

"Yo!" Kakashi said as he came into the clearing three hours past the appointed time. "Somehow my head got stuck in the toilet this morning-"

"**_LIAR!" _**Sakura and Naruto screamed out in unison as they pointed to him accusingly.

"Ah well," Kakashi shrugged. "For today's training-"

He was interrupted once more as a high-pitched voice shrilly yelled, "Ooooooh Kaka-chan!"

You could practically hear the sounds of a broken record player as Kakashi's visible eye widened in comical (but true) fear.

A blur sprang out of the trees and crashed right in Kakashi, knocking him to the ground. The blur turned out to be a woman, snuggling next to Kakashi in a way that Ino did to Sasuke whenever she got the chance. Not to mention that Kakashi looked absolutely _terrified_, as he managed to scoot himself from under her and back himself into a tree in a flash.

"_Holy shit!" _Kakashi nearly screamed in a very un-Kakashi-ishly way. "I thought I never had to see you ever again in my life!"

The woman giggled in an annoying fashion. "Ah Kaka-chan, I know you missed me."

"Ka-" Sasuke found himself smirking.

"Ka-" Sakura could barely stifle her giggles behind a hand while Inner Sakura was laughing her guts out.

"CHAN!" Naruto didn't even try to stop himself as he fell on his knees and began to beat the ground with his fists.

The woman had shoulder-length black hair that was pulled in a high ponytail. Her eyes were brown and glittered mischievously, and her tongue was almost seemed to be permanently stuck outside her mouth. She wore a sleeveless black kimono whose skirt barely reached her mid thigh with a narrow blue sash around her waist. Of course, she had the standard kunai holster, the pouch on her waist, and blue sandals. What quickly got everyone's attention though, was the scratch on the leaf insignia on the hitai-ate she wore around her forehead.

"You're a missing-nin!" Sakura was first to point out the obvious.

"Her name is Akuma Yumeko," Kakashi said as he shakily got to his feet, barely hiding the fear in his voice. "She abandoned Konoha when she was thirteen, fourteen years ago-"

"Because I got bored pranking up the same geezers every day!" the woman finished off for him, folding her arms. "I pretty much got all the Hidden Villages all ready, except one, so I decided to come here and visit my old boyfriend!"

"She was your _girlfriend_!" Sakura said as she pointed to her in disbelief.

"No, she was my _stalker_," Kakashi snapped back at her. "She'd always follow me around everywhere whenever she wasn't dropping stink bombs in the streets ever since she could walk."

"Wow, she's more obsessive over you than Sakura and Ino have over Sasuke," Naruto grinned, which promptly earned him a bop on the head from the pink-haired kunoichi.

"No kidding," Kakashi said. "She always scared me whenever she latched herself to me like another limb."

"Ah Kakashi, I know you still love me," Yumeko winked at him, who immediately shuddered. "Besides, I'm the only girl who you ever came _on time _for a date!"

"You _actually_ came _on time _for a date with _her_," Sasuke said in shock.

"Only because she blackmailed me with pictures she somehow took of me without my mask," Kakashi said coldly.

"She's good," Naruto said, almost respectively.

"She's still a missing-nin, so we have to take her back to the village for sentencing," Sasuke said as he reached into his holster for a kunai.

"HA! Nobody every got me this whole time, so what makes you think that you can get me?" Yumeko said cheerfully as she put her hands together to form the seal of the rat.

Naruto was the first to charge in towards her, drawing a kunai out, ready to stab her. She quickly changed her seal from the rat to the ram then outstretched her right arm, pointing her two fingers at him. _"Wedgie no Jutsu!" _she cried as she swept her arm upwards. Naruto found himself yanked up by his underwear as if an invisible hand grabbed it and hung him in a tree.

"AAAH! AAAH! It hurts!" Naruto cried out as he wiggled his legs uselessly and tried to reach for his underwear.

Sasuke and Sakura shook their heads.

"Dobe," Sasuke said.

"Looks like she hasn't changed," Kakashi said seriously. "You better be careful, she always had the craziest attacks that you'd never expect."

Sasuke went in this time, but instead of Naruto, he kept zigzagging around so that he wouldn't suffer the same (humiliating) fate as him. Yumeko bit her tongue as she barely dodged the spinning kick Sasuke aimed for her head. Her eyes widened as she avoided Sasuke's punches and kicks. Sasuke wasn't even starting to get serious yet, but she looked like she was ready to succumb any second now.

_Ha, so she is pretty terrible in taijutsu_, Sasuke thought as he missed her chest by a centimeter. _Won't be long now…_

At that moment, Sasuke landed a powerful kick in her stomach, causing her to skid back several feet. Sasuke widened his stance while his opponent reached into her weapon pouch and pulled out a…

…whoopee cushion?

"Sasuke! Get out of there now!" Kakashi ordered him urgently. Sasuke turned his head to look back at him, raising an eyebrow as she blew into it.

"It's just a whoopee cushion, what's the big deal?" He didn't notice that the cushion was glowing with blue chakra…

At that moment, Yumeko turned around, positioning the cushion carefully on her bottom, and then promptly gave a small jump and landed on the cushion.

_**BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!**_

What resulted was a super-sonic explosion that was powerful enough to get everyone flying off and crashing into trees. Naruto's underwear came loose in the attack and he landed in front of Kakashi.

"What _was _that?" Sakura said, woozily getting to her feet while Inner Sakura screamed, _"WHAT THE HELL! THAT AIN'T RIGHT, AND YOU DID THAT RIGHT IN FONT OF MY SASUKE-KUN! YOU LITTLE BITCH!"_

"Damn, looks like she got stronger," Kakashi muttered as he got on one knee.

"I haven't had so much fun in so long!" Yumeko squealed as she put her clapped her hands.

"Well, let's see you handle this! _Kage Buushin no Jutsu!"_ Naruto yelled. Half a dozen Narutos appeared, all ready to kick ass.

"Uh-oh," was all she could say as she frantically tried to blow into her whoopee cushion as fast as she could before five Narutos kicked her up and the last one kicked her to the ground. She was knocked out. Naruto Combo, never fails.

"That was easy," Naruto said grinning while his doppelgangers disappeared.

"Let's just drop her off so Tsunade-sama can decide her punishment," Sakura said.

"Why don't Naruto or Sasuke drag her off. I don't ever want to be near her ever again," Kakashi said, shaking.

"Wow, this girl really traumatized you that much, huh Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said as he went closer to the (not really) unconscious woman with Sasuke…

Just as the two were right next to her, her eyes quickly shot open and she performed lightning fast seals. Before the two could get over their initial shock, she screamed, "BUTT STICKING NO JUTSU!" as she grabbed both our heroes' asses.

They both had their eyes widened when their spot was violated, but nothing could prepare them when their bottoms seemed attracting one another (no you dirty people, not like THAT!) and before you knew it, their bottoms were firmly stuck to each other.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Naruto ad as he tried to wiggle his ass free.

"HAHAHA!" Yumeko said in laughter as she got back to her feet and leaped into a tree. "Nothing can stop my best-" she was cut off as Sakura hurled a boulder at her. Swirly eyes was immediate. That's what you get for groping her crush's butt.

Naruto and Sasuke were trying to run off in opposite directions, trying to free themselves, but it was all in vain. You might have well have thought their seats were stuck with ultra-strong super glue.

"She did that to herself an me when we were younger. Only way out is to wait it out for a whole day," Kakashi said.

"_**WHAT!"**_

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And just a quick note, this is not a KakOC pairing. He hates her guts.


	2. Itachi

Hey, sorry this took so long. School you know. Plenty of action in this chapter, along with a little touch of something only I could think of (I hope.)

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If Uchiha Itachi was your average self-absorbed, egotistical, stereotypical villain, he would have probably been laughing like one right about now.

He did it! He and Kisame managed to steal a very powerful and ancient scroll, capable of sucking Kyuubi right out of its loud mouthed vessel and having it completely under their control. Funny. You'd think such a scroll would have been in a safer place rather than under the Mizukage's bed. What an idiot. Then again, you'd probably wouldn't expect to find it there either.

Itachi was speeding towards Konoha. Kisame was back at base; he apparently somehow got the chicken pox. His face was particularly ugly today. It's not recommended to imagine it. Oops, too late.

He easily slipped past the guards, who were currently having their coffee break, and snuck in Konoha. Keeping it near the forest area, his ears caught the sound of an annoying yell. Target found.

Noiselessly leaping through the branches, he quickly came to the clearing where Kyuubi's vessel was screaming. Pressing his back behind a tree, he turned his head to catch a peek. He certainly was expecting what he saw.

There he was, his ass stuck to his little brother's rear. There was a chain of five Kage Buushin each for the two, grabbing the arms of the two victims and pulling as hard as they could. The faces of the vessel and his little brother looked strained, but willing the Buushin to un-stick them. By the looks of it, their pants were going to tear any second. Itachi was facing the backs of the pink haired kunoichi and the Copy-nin, who were shaking their heads. An unconscious woman lay forgotten beside them.

"I'm telling you, you have to wait it out for a day," the Copy-nin insisted.

"I'm not having my butt stuck to the dobe for twenty-four hours!" his brother snapped at him as the Kage Buushin pulled a little harder at his arms.

"Besides, nature's calling!" the vessel screamed.

"GET HIM OFF!" his brother shrieked.

Itachi wasn't too sure if the situation was in his favor or not. Kyuubi would be easier to extract with its vessel's ass stuck to his little brother, but the Copy-nin and the kunoichi might be a little trouble. Silently jumping on to a sturdy tree branch, he began to perform lightning fast seals before jumping out for a flying kick.

Sakura gave out a cry of pain as Itachi's foot collided into the small of her back and sent her crashing into the trunk of a tree, immediately knocked out.. Kakashi quickly turned his head to Itachi's direction and began to form seals, but Itachi was already done with the final one. _"Katon: Housenka no Jutsu!"_

Itachi spat out multiple blasts of fire at Kakashi, who quickly rolled over to the side to dodge it.

"**I'LL KILL YOU NOW!" **Sasuke screamed as he attempted to lunge at his hated brother, just to stop at a couple of feet. He turned his head to see Naruto sheepishly grinning at him. Sasuke let out a growl. Of all times to be stuck to the dobe…

Kakashi and Itachi were exchanging punches and kicks, until Itachi finally managed to go past Kakashi's defenses and kick him to the ground. He quickly pinned him down and activated the Mangekyou Sharingan, ready to start the Tsukuyomi.

At that moment, Yumeko was coming around, rubbing her head. Turning to see her 'Kaka-chan' on the ground with a guy leaning over him, she immediately got the wrong idea.

"**GET OFF OF HIM YOU GAY FREAK! HE'S MINE!" **she screeched as she reached into her pouch again and pulled out what appeared to be a tiny black marble. With a sweep of her arm, she sent it flying at him, who jumped out of the way before he could hurl Kakashi into a world of genjutsu. The marble exploded in front of Kakashi's face.

"Oh no," she gasped before Itachi punched her in the gut and sent her sprawled next to Sakura.

The 'marble' was actually a special gaseous drug compressed into a tiny space. At contact at something solid with enough force, the drug was to be released. It caused the person affected with it to make his movements sluggish, distort his vision, and cause him to act like he was drunk from drinking a couple gallons worth of alcohol. It would wear off in a few minutes, but until then…

"Oh man," Kakashi's words were slurred as he leaning on a tree for support. "Say lady, you are _fine_. Are you wearing a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them," he told the boulder next to him. Itachi was pretty sure that he wouldn't cause him anymore trouble.

Turning to the blonde and his brother, the ten Kage Buushin that were previously trying to pull out the two turned on him, but with a couple shurinken and kunai they poofed out.

"_Katon: Goukukyuu no Jutsu!" _Sasuke yelled as he let out his own fireball. Itachi easily stepped to the side to avoid it and turned to Naruto. Reaching for the scroll, in a swift movement in unrolled it and stuck one end to Naruto's forehead. He performed a long complicated series of seals before placing his palm on the end of the parchment and concentrated his chakra into it. The scroll's text began to glow an eerie blue. Finally, Kyuubi would be his…

Unfortunately, Itachi failed to read the warning label when he read the instruction manual for the scroll. It clearly stated (in fine print) that nobody else should be touching the vessel while attempting to suck out the tailed-beast, or risk being electrocuted.

Sure enough, Itachi was glowing as well, being electrocuted by a million volts of electricity, and you could see his skeleton more effectively than Neji's Byakuugan. He fell over, blackened and unconscious.

It would've been so easy now. Sasuke could just easily kill him right now. But something, _something_ didn't feel right about the current situation. Maybe because this wasn't exactly the way Sasuke imagined it to be. He had expected a grand showdown, not his brother to actually look incredibly stupid for the first time of his life. Sasuke growled.

The scroll fell off of Naruto's head as it burned away into ashes. Trying to move around to see his sensei, who was trying to make out with the rock, he sighed. This day was getting too weird.

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How was that?


	3. Fangirls

If anyone cares, I dare some of you to go crawling in mud, drag limp people around that are bigger than you are, and go in a push-up position with people going underneath you with their butts poking up to your chests. It isn't pleasant. Especially when you go through this stuff for two and a half hours with only a ten second water break and then have twenty people fighting each other for the four showers afterwards.

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The drug had worn off of Kakashi, Sakura had regained consciousness, and Naruto and Sasuke were still stuck. They were on the way back to the main street. Itachi was slung over Kakashi's shoulder and Yumeko, who Kakashi deemed unworthy and undeserving of his physical touch, was dragged by the collar. She was snagged and bumped a couple times, but not that anyone cared.

It's pretty hard to walk normally with your butt attached to someone else's, so Naruto and Sasuke were forced to bend over and walk sideways, since they decided to compromise when they fought over who got to walk forward.

"Wait a minute," Sasuke said right before they were out of the forest area.

"What is it Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked him.

"I am not going out into public like this," he said flatly, and Naruto nodded in agreement.

"Simple. Just use the Henge no Jutsu to go out, then hide for the rest of the day," Kakashi said. "Now I have to drop these two off." And with that, he leaped off, leaving his students alone.

"What are we going to transform into?" Naruto asked.

"What about some animal? You can't transform into another person like that," Sakura suggested.

"Fine, we'll transform into a horse and then get to my house to hide," Sasuke said as he and Naruto formed a seal.

"_Henge!" _

In a puff of smoke, Naruto and Sasuke was replaced by a brown horse. At least, not a normal looking one. To put it simply, neither of the boys wanted to be the end where your food comes out again.

"Sasuke, turn into the rear end already. A horse doesn't have two heads!" the horse head that was Naruto snapped.

"Why don't you?" the horse head that was Sasuke snapped back. Sakura growled at the head that was Naruto, who grunted before transforming in a poof at the other rend.

Sakura led the 'horse' out into the main street, hoping that nothing would happen on the way to the Uchiha mansion. But if things really did go that way, you people would all be commenting on how boring this story is.

As they went past the Yamanaka Flower Shop, Ino stepped out and immediately saw Sakura and the 'horse'. "Hey Sakura!"

"Oh, Ino," Sakura said nervously, praying that the loudmouth would leave them alone as soon as possible. This was probably the worst person to run into…

"What's that ugly horse for?" Ino asked curiously.

"Um, well, I have to, uh, lead this horse to its owner for a mission! Yeah, that's it!" Sakura said a little too quickly. Ino narrowed her eyes. Something was going on, and her nosy side wasn't about too give up on what it was.

"Where's Sasuke-kun and Naruto?" she asked suspiciously. Sakura began to sweat feverishly.

"Um, um, they, um, are leading the other horses somewhere else!" Sakura said, patting the horse's head. "Well, got to go!"

Ino stepped in their way and crossed her arms. "Sakura, you're hiding something from me, aren't you? That's not _really _a horse, isn't it?"

The horse began to sweat profusely, especially when Ino came over to it and yelled, _"Kai!" _

The horse disappeared, revealing…

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NARUTO IS MOONING SASUKE-KUN!"**_

Ino's shriek was heard throughout all of Konohagakure no Sato, and in a stampede, every single one of Sasuke's fan girls and rushing over to that spot, looking livid. First that Naruto stole their Sasuke's first kiss, then he got to be in his presence nearly everyday, and now this! This is the last straw, Naruto!

A mob of a dozen angry girls surrounded them, kicking and punching Naruto furiously while trying to pull them apart. However, if you looked very closely (which none of the fan girls did because they were blinded with rage), despite all the hits Naruto was taking, there wasn't a mark on him. On the other hand, Sasuke's face was becoming covered with bruise, scratches, and two black eyes. Yes. It is what it sounds like.

For some reason, the Butt Sticking no Jutsu appeared to have the unfortunate side effect that whatever happened to one victim the pain would felt by the other. So in other words, Naruto didn't feel anything while Sasuke was being beaten up by his own fan club. Not very nice.

Of course, as Sakura wasn't one of the girls attacking and she easily saw what was going on. "Sasuke-kun! You idiots, you're hurting Sasuke-kun!"

The girls looked at Sasuke's face, which was as ugly as you can get. The girls quickly figured out on their own what was happening. Before apologizing to him, they promptly beat up Sasuke even harder than Naruto.

By now the girls figured out that the boys' asses weren't going to split anytime soon, which made them all the angrier, cursing the heavens on why their butts couldn't be stuck to Sasuke's.

"All right. Break it up," Kakashi said as he appeared as he promptly grabbed the girls and flung them to the side one by one. Someone took out a camera and took a picture of the two unlucky boys, their faces uglier than anything imaginable. In a few days, the picture was sent out to all the villages, and laughs could be heard from everywhere. It even got on TV and won a prize on for one of the funniest pictures in the Fire Country. Back to the present now.

"Looks like you couldn't stay out of trouble, huh?" Kakashi said as he rubbed the back of his head while reading his Icha Icha Paradise.

"Shut up," Sasuke and Naruto said simultaneously.

"Well, since everyone knows already, might as well stay out a little longer. Oooh…real juicy," Kakashi said while still engrossed in his book.

"No way," Naruto said angrily while everyone was snickering at them.

"What the happened?" Ino asked, still shocked at the sight.

"Some missing-nin thought it would be a good joke to use some kind of jutsu to have their bottoms attached to each other. They'll be like this for twenty-four hours," Sakura said in an exasperated tone.

"Wait a minute," Ino said while her brain processed the information. "If they're like this for a day…**_OH NO! NARUTO HAS TO SHARE THE SAME BED AS SASUKE-KUN_**!"

"Yes! I was right!" some random person in the street said to his friend. "I told you the Uchiha _is_ gay! I win the bet!"

His friend grumbled before paying up a thousand ryou.

At that moment, Sasuke's dear fan club lost their minds again. Now Naruto would be the first person to _bed _with Sasuke. Foaming at the mouth they began to beat up Naruto again, before remembering to beat up Sasuke.

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Hm…wonder if this is alright. And also, does anyone want me to kill Yumeko?


	4. A lot of Hell

So yes, it does look like most of you really like Yumeko. Sorry Kage-Ichihashi, even though you are one of my most faithful reviewers, it looks like you're the only one that really hates her. So I guess I have to keep her alive.

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Everyone was snickering as Naruto and Sasuke walked down the street, and the faces of the two burned red with humiliation.

"Hey Naruto, I'll treat you to a bowl of ramen," Kakashi said finally as they were closing in on Ichiraku. "I'll get something else for you too, Sasuke."

"Alright!" Naruto yelled as he ran on with Sasuke uselessly flying behind his with his legs in the air.

"One big shrimp ramen!" Naruto said gleefully.

"What happened to you, Naruto?" Ayame asked as she was getting his bowl ready. Last time she checked, an Uchiha wasn't a part of his body. Her father was giving that interesting looks. Not like everybody else hadn't.

"Don't ask."

"Here's your bowl," Ayame said as she passed him his ramen.

"Itadakimasu!" Naruto clapped his hands and eagerly dug in. However, just as he took his first slurp, both his and Sasuke's eyes popped open.

Apparently, their pain receptors weren't the only things that switched.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tears streamed down Naruto's eyes comically as he shook his head frantically in disbelief. "I CAN'T TASTE ANYTHING!"

"Shrimp ramen…" Sasuke said as he touched his mouth.

"SASUKE!" Naruto bellowed as he tried to turn around so that Sasuke was facing the stand. "EAT IT!"

Sasuke smirked. "Make me."

"EAT IT!"

"Make me."

"EAT IT!"

"Make me."

"I WILL! KAGE BUUSHIN NO JUTSU!"

A single doppelganger popped out and ran down the street and into the grocery store. He came back out carrying a small plastic containing…fermented soy beans?

"No…" Sasuke's words wee strangled in his throat.

The doppelganger dropped the container into the original's hands before poofing out. A demonic smile was plastered onto Naruto's face.

"Eat the bowl or I eat this."

"How do you know that I don't like natto?" Sasuke growled out.

"I stole your diary and read that you really didn't like it when you were only five and Itachi forced natto into your mouth while singing 'Mary Had A Little Lamb' into your ear."

Sasuke was seeing red, and he was _very _tempted to release his curse seal.

"You have a diary?" Sakura asked.

"You don't like 'Mary Had A Little Lamb'?" Kakashi added.

"How did you get my diary?"

"That's a secret," Naruto shrugged before taking a single bean between his two fingers. "You sure that you're not going to eat? Oh well, bottoms down!"

Sasuke gagged and looked like he was going to hurl as his face turned green. One hand was clutched to his throat while the other was reaching the heaven's, asking the gods why he had to go through this.

Meanwhile, God, Buddha, Muhammad, the Sun God of the Shinto religion, or whatever the main figure of your religion is decided to make a list on why he deserved this. Trying to kill your best friend for a stupid reason, knocking out someone who cared about you, abandoning the village, taking drugs while you were _clearly _underage (that mind drug he took to reach the second stage of the cursed seal), spending quality time with a pedophile (not THAT kind of time, please no), being overly angsty, being a stuck-up jerk….Yes, the list _is_ long on why he deserved this.

Naruto kept on popping beans into mouth, taking his sweet time chewing while Sasuke continued to gag. But no! Sasuke's overly huge ego refused to give in. He was stronger than Naruto! He would win!

"Naruto stop that!" Sakura exclaimed. Kakashi put a hand on her shoulder.

"We should just watch. This is getting pretty entertaining now, you know."

Just then, there was a small explosion from the Hokage tower, and a figure burst out from the smoking hole, laughing maniacally.

"The prisoner escaped!" Genma yelled out as he leaped to chase the Kakashi fanatic.

"BUHAHAHAHA! You can't get me!" Yumeko laughed out as she grabbed another marble from her pouch and threw it at Genma in midair. Unable to dodge it, Genma quickly crossed his arms in front of his face. The marble burst in a fine powder at contact, and Genma immediately scratch himself all over as if he had a very serious case of fleas.

"Aack! Itching powder!" he yelled as he landed on a rooftop.

"BUHAHA! Man, I haven't been here for ages!" she laughed again as she threw stink bombs left and right while jumping on the rooftops.

(Please take ten seconds to pity the Inuzaki family and their dogs. 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...Okay back to the story!)

"KAKA-CHAN!" she shrieked as she literally just fell on top of him.

"Oof! Get off me now!"

"But I want to snuggle with you!"

"GET OFF ME!"

Sakura grabbed the demented woman and threw her wrestling-style onto the ground. Kakashi immediately got back onto her feet.

"Hey you crazy lady! Un-stick me and Sasuke-teme right now!" Naruto demanded, accidentally dropping the fermented soy beans onto e ground. Sasuke gave a prayer of thanks.

"Oh, you're the suckers I hit with my jutsu!" Yumeko said as she sat up. "Well, too bad, since I never figured out how to undo this thing. Just wait for a day!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Naruto and Sasuke screamed. They both tried to charge at the same time, only to fall with Sasuke flat on his face and Naruto uselessly kicking his feet into the air.

Yumeko laughed so hard she had to wipe a few tears from her brown eyes. "Man Kaka-chan, that brings back some sweet memories, right?"

"You mean the ones I've been trying to forget for the past twelve years? Yes."

"You're so morbid. How about a kiss to make you feel better?"

Kakashi ran off.

Yumeko looked like she was about to chase him, but an ANBU squad then appeared and quickly knocked her out and dragged her back to prison.

"Great. We get the stupid one but we let Itachi escape," one of the members, wearing a cat mask, grumbled.

"Itachi escaped?" Sasuke's voice was muffled as he was still eating dirt. Visions on how things _really _should go flashed through his mind.

"Uh, yeah."

Evil laughter erupted. Naruto tried to force his weight down on him.

"I thought you said Orochimaru only trained you in jutsu, not his habits too."

"I am not gay."

"SEE! He's not gay! Give me back my money and yours!" someone shouted.

"No way! He's in denial! He IS gay!" the random guy from the previous chapter protested as he tried to run away from his friend.

"I WANT MY MONEY!"

"Hey, what's this?" Sakura asked nobody in particular as she picked something up from the ground. Yumeko must have dropped it when she got thrown. Naruto and Sasuke managed to get back up and tried to see it.

"Hey, it's a photograph of…" Sakura was cut off as a waterfall of drool spilled out of her mouth. Her eyes were popping into hearts as she stared at the picture.

"Hey, it's a picture of Kakashi-sensei as a kid…WITHOUT HIS MASK!" Naruto cried. "DAMN, he looks so, so…"

"SEXY!" Sakura squealed. The level of facial sexiness was too high. Too high. Sakura looked at Sasuke, and then the picture. Screw Sasuke! Why did Kakashi-sensei wear that mask? It was too sexy to cover up! Looks like she has someone else to drive her obsessions to. How could anybody not fall for him! She didn't blame Yumeko now.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI! WHERE ARE YOU!" Sakura yelled as she tore down the street.


	5. Um

Sorry for the short and slightly wrong in many ways chapter.

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"Is it tomorrow yet?" Naruto moaned on the way to the Uchiha estate.

"It's hardly even been an hour yet," Sasuke added.

"Kakashi-sensei, why do you wear that mask all the time?" Sakura asked with her hands together and her green eyes sparkling in the cutesy-wootsy puppy look. If you went after a guy for their skills, cool attitude, cool copy power, and looks, Kakashi was WAY over Sasuke. WAY OVER!

"…" was the answer. He knew he should've killed Yumeko when he had the chance…

"N-naruto-kun?" Hyuuga Hinata had turned around the corner and potted the team. Naruto wanted to smack himself. Not another one to gawk at his unfortunate situation…

"Ano-sa, Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun, what happened?" she asked timidly, while Inner Hinata (don't we all have one? We know about some of your too, if you inserted yours in your story. In other words…MARY SUE! SOME BITS OF YOUR IMAGINATION ARE SUPPOSED TO STAY IN YOUR HEAD OR RISKED BEING FLAMED! You don't want us reviewers to kill your Inner Self, do you? THEN DON'T SHOW IT TO THE WORLD! Thank you for reading this long and pointless rant. I love ranting when people listen to me.) was going, "OMFGOMFGOMFG NARUTO-KUN! SASUKE-KUN IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO DEAD!" (In other words, Inner Hinata is no different from Sasuke's fan girls. Who would've guessed?)

Naruto and Sasuke did _not _want to repeat the story.

"Hmmm," Kakashi was rubbing his chin, while Sakura was still in 'sparkle' mode. "Hinata, can you use your Byakuugan and take a look at them?"

"Ano-sa, why?" Hinata asked him.

"I have a feeling you can help."

Unsure of herself, Hinata performed the proper seals and activated her Byakuugan.

"I see something strange in Naruto-kun's and Sasuke-kun's, ano-sa, _b-butts_," Hinata stumbled over the last words, blushing deeply, while Inner Hinata was going, "HELL YES! NARUTO-KUN HAS ONE _FINE _ASS!"

"There are many very tiny and thin chakra strands between Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun. They are connecting from the pores from your skin and through your clothes," Hinata said.

"Hey Hinata, can you use your Jyuuken to cut the threads?" Naruto asked, remembering how Neji said before that anything made of chakra was useless against the Jyuuken. (That spider guy was creepy…)

"I don't know. The threads are very tiny, and there is almost no space between your…butts, and I may hurt you."

"WE DON'T CARE!" Sasuke and Naruto bellowed. Hinata was shocked for a moment before having a single hand encased in flaming blue chakra. Her hand slowly went towards them, while Hinata kept thinking, _If I shake my hand, I might accidentally touch Naruto-kun's butt…_while Inner Hinata was screaming at her to do it.

At that moment, someone nearby was attempting to perform a rather powerful Doton jutsu, causing a small earthquake. While the earthquake was nowhere close to causing any real damage, it was certainly enough to shake anybody off balance. Just enough to, say, cause someone's hand to jitter around and accidentally slice someone's pants and underwear off.

The screams that were emitted were extremely loud. It was hard to say which gender screamed louder.

Hinata blushed into a new species of tomato before fainting and falling onto the ground. As much as Sakura was infatuated with Kakashi right now, no girl would not be able to resist looking. She gawked for a half a minute before fainting along side of Hinata.

Out of nowhere, Naruto and Sasuke managed to pull out a large pink shower curtain and wrap it around their legs like some giant skirt.

"I say we run for it," Naruto said.

"For once I agree with you," Sasuke answered.

Sidestepping as fast as they could, which emitted faint clouds of dust, they left their teacher alone with the two unconscious girls. Who better to come around than Hyuuga Hiashi, who recently actually cared about every fiber of his eldest child's being. As with most Hyuugas (besides Hinata), they were obnoxiously stuck up about themselves and considered themselves above everybody else, and whosoever hurt one of them deserved immediate punishment. Hiashi didn't give Kakashi enough time to explain before he Jyuuken-ed the Copy-nin right into the emergency room.

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"Nice place you got here," Naruto said as he looked around Sasuke's room.

"Whatever."

"Do you have any spare pants and underwear?"

"Sure."

They couldn't get the pants on. (no surprise), so they were stuck with the shower curtain. At least there was still a piece of their pants sandwiched between their bottoms to avoid direct contact.

"Hey Sasuke? I have to use the bathroom."

"I suppose technically, you can still pee since we're guys and we have to stand up."

"I drank outdated milk this morning."

"!"

"Uh, sorry?"

"YOU BETTER NOT CRAP UP RIGHT NOW! HOLD IT UNTIL THE JUTSU WEARS OFF!"

"I think I can hold it for about ten more minutes."

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Just kidding."

Sasuke gave a sigh of relief.

"Just kidding about the just kidding part. I REALLY HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM!" Naruto howled.

"Haven't you learned by now not to drink spoiled milk?" Sasuke howled back. How the heck was he going to live through this? There was still twenty-three hours left…

A sick smell drifted through the air.

Someone has to clean it up.

Not me.

I bet you're all throwing up right now.

Mission accomplished.

Yes, this mind is very sick.

Writing out things like "GROSS!", "EW!", or "YOU SICK BASTARD/BITCH/FREAK!" in your reviews for this chapter is alright. You'll just hurt my sensitive feelings.

After all, imagine how they'll clean up the mess on their butts right now.

I may not be a yaoi fan, but I'm pretty sure even the intense Sasu/Naru fans find this wrong.

Hee hee.


	6. Sleep and Surf

"Hey Sasuke-teme."

"What dobe?"

"I have a good idea."

"That's a first."

"SHUT UP!"

Without going into any explicit details, the two boys managed to um, clean up the mess. Now they were just standing in Sasuke's room, trying not to lean next to each other, unless they wanted their dignity points to drop down a few notches. They couldn't even sit down properly.

"What about if we go to sleep?" Naruto suggested.

"Sleep?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"You know, quickest way to pass time is to sleep. We sleep, wake up tomorrow, and voila! Our butts are detached."

"That's a good idea, except that I doubt we're sleepy right now," Sasuke sneered.

"Oh yeah…hey I remember!" Naruto's blue eyes lit up. "Remember when I was saving you and Sakura against Gaara?"

"Yes…" Sasuke grumbled. "Your point?"

"You were watching everything, right?"

"Again, what's you point?"

"You did have your Sharingan activated that time, right?"

"Yes…"

"Which means that you must have copied that jutsu Gaara used to fall asleep!"

Sasuke was dumbfounded for a moment. Naruto had a brilliant idea, and furthermore, he actually explained it in a way that made Sasuke look a little…stupid.

"I guess it could work," Sasuke grudgingly admitted. He did remember the way the jutsu worked and nothing was stopping him, except a few words ringing out in his usually revenge-obsessed brain.

_OH NO! NARUTO HAS TO SHARE THE SAME _BED_ AS SASUKE-KUN!_

Thank you Ino for pointing it out.

"Actually, I won't do it," Sasuke declared.

"Why not teme!"

"I'm not sleeping with you."

"Oh yeah…HELL NO I'M NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU! But wait a minute, either we sleep together or we have to go through another twenty-two hours fully aware about what's going on….this is so not fair!" Naruto grabbed his head in frustration.

Nothing like fate to bite you in your ass.

Or stick yours to somebody else's.

Sasuke successfully cast the jutsu, except for one thing: Naruto was still awake.

_Damn you Sasuke, damn you crazy Kakashi loving fan girl, damn everything that likes screwing up in my life…_

Meanwhile, the great gods of whatever religion were chuckling to themselves and betting how long it would take for Naruto to snap.

"No…get away from me," Sasuke muttered.

Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"No! I don't wanna…"

Naruto wondered what kind of nightmare Sasuke was having right now. It sounded pretty bad.

"Don't wanna get eaten by giant, man-eating…"

Naruto strained his ears.

"Bras."

Naruto laughed so hard that it was a wonder Sasuke didn't wake up.

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"Orochimaru-sama, what are you doing?" Kabuto asked as he went inside the master's main chamber.

"Surfing the internet," the snake Sannin said as he moved the mouse around.

"Internet?" Kabuto said with a hint of confusion in his voice.

"Something that was conveniently invented three hours ago," he answered. "You won't believe how popular it is already. I found a site with a list of every jutsu in existence, so that will really come in handy for my plans of world domination. (insert evil laughter here) Not to mention a site of these really nice hair care products."

"Then why is the screen full of pictures of barely dressed little boys touching each other?" Kabuto asked, leaning over Orochimaru's shoulder to get a better look and then turning away, remembering that there were some habits he did not want to pick up from his master.

Orochimaru shrugged. "Hey, the internet's good for other things too you know. Hey, what's this? New picture, something really juicy, that sounds good, double click…SASUKE-KUN!"

"And his bottom is stuck to Naruto-kun…" Kabuto said, rubbing his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming before uncharacteristically falling to his knees and laughing hysterically while banging his fists to the ground.

"Sasuke-kun!" Orochimaru squealed as he hugged the screen. "COME BACK TO ME!"

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Sorry for the late chapter.


	7. can'tthinkofatitle

Before I get on with the story, please go to youtubedotcom and watch the Black Cat episodes that someone kindly put up and it downloads pretty fast. Train is officially now my favorite anime character! Not to mention that Eve is awesome too! WATCH IT! And the opening song is beautiful and that other song Saya always sings…too bad it's only 23 episodes long…(sob)

Also watch the Konoha Sports Festival. It's only ten minutes long, but it's really funny!

Finally, I'm going to put up another story in a few days, another second generation thing, but I kind of took a different approach to it. I'm not starting off at graduation, and just specifically showing one main event. Can you review it please later if you're interested? I'm planning to have it in around ten chapters…

Now I'll shut up so you can read.

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The next morning…

The birds were chirping, sunlight was streaming through the window, and somewhere out there Lee and Gai were brushing their teeth for maximum shininess. They accidentally forgot not to look in the mirror and blinded out their own eyes.

Sasuke slowly opened his eyes. A giant bra with massive teeth was staring at him.

He screamed so hard that it was a wonder he didn't break the sound barrier.

"Damn Sasuke, why do you have to be so loud?" Naruto moaned, who finally managed to fall asleep during the afternoon/night. "Oh yeah, I forgot."

Sasuke's chest was heaving like crazy. Next to him was one of Tsunade's E (or was it F?) cup bras, with a face drawn on it with marker. Naruto had summoned Gamakichi last night and asked him to break into Tsunade's living quarters. He personally drew the face on the bra and put it next to Sasuke's face.

Meanwhile, Tsunade was trashing her room.

"Where'd my bra go? Godammit, that was a custom-made one, they don't sell them that big…"

"That was not funny," growled out Sasuke.

"Yes it was," Naruto insisted.

"No it wasn't, but this is," Sasuke said before biting his own hand.

"Ow!" Naruto cried out. Narrowing his eyes, he said, "Two can play it that game!"

Two hours later…

"Ow, my body, my body hurts so bad."

"Well, we only have three hours left," Sasuke said. "We just stay here and wait-"

The doorbell rang.

Adjusting the shower curtain around their legs, they side-stepped over to the front door, where there were several men with strange equipment.

"Good morning, Uchiha-san," the man who was in front said. "We have reason to believe that your entire estate is contaminated. You must leave the premises while we do the gassing."

"WHAT!" Sasuke yelled. "What's the contamination?"

"Some kind of strange bacteria with horrible effects and I can't pronounce it because Latin words are too long and hard to pronounce."

"You must leave now," another man said.

"Fine," Sasuke growled out as he and Naruto sidestepped out of the Uchiha estate.

As soon as the pair was gone, the leader laughed. "Wow, he sure is stupid. Okay, remember, take all the valuables and the stuff like that, and then drop the gas bombs all over the place."

They ransacked the whole place, and since Sasuke had left everything in their place ever since his clan was massacred, several men got really happy when they went through the panty drawers (despite the fact they haven't been aired out for around seven years).

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"Where are we going to go now?" Naruto said, hiding out in some trees.

"Stay put," Sasuke said. "Nothing can possibly make us leave-"

At that moment, the two slipped out of the branches, and fell on top of Miterashi Anko, who was walking by and enjoying her dango. Falling on top of her made her drop it.

As seen many times, never make a girl angry, especially when she's powerful and not one of those stereotypical Disney princesses.

"Why you…" she growled out.

"OW!"

"HELP ME!"

"DON'T TEAR IT OFF! I NEVER HAD SEX BEFORE!"

"I CAN'T DIE YET! REVENGE!"

The flesh and blood-colored slop that used to be Naruto and Sasuke was carted off to the hospital.


	8. Conclusion

Last chapter. Now I'm going to work on _Broken _and an Inuyasha/Naruto story.

And one more thing…

NINJAS ARE REAL! I KNEW IT!

And apparently, ninjutsu was developed by farmers, and kunai were originally farming tools. I sure am learning a lot for my English paper…

I'm serious.

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"Ow, where am I?"

"Looks like you're finally awake, Naruto-kun. Anko-san really shouldn't overreact, and I'm surprised you and Sasuke-kun are still alive," Shizune said.

Naruto sat up in the hospital bed. He saw that he was wearing a hospital shirt over bandages that covered his whole body, but the thing that got his attention was…

"YES! MY BUTT! NO SASUKE ON IT!" he yelled out cheerfully.

"Well, you've been out for three days," said Shizune, who sat down next to him on a stool. "Anyway, you still haven't full recovered so…

Naruto screamed as he pointed at the door.

"Oh, shut up," Yumeko said sourly. She was dressed in a nurse's uniform and held a tray of food in her hands. Her facial expression indicated that she was pretty down in the dumps.

Thank god.

"What the hell is she doing here! She's going to do something crazy again!" Naruto shrieked hysterically.

"I'm put on probation, I'm not getting paid, I can't steal from anybody or else my probation will get longer, the Inuzuka family attacked me, who the fuck let the dogs out, I'm not allowed to perform my jutsu on anybody, I'm getting sued, they won't let me in Kaka-chan's room, and if I try to leave again, they'll actually make an effort to find me this time."

"Sucks for you," Naruto said cheerfully. "You deserved it."

She grumbled more as she put the tray on his table and left the room.

"Hey, there isn't anything funny in here, is there?" Naruto asked Shizune, carefully poking the raspberry Jell-O.

"I'm positive that she didn't do something, because if she did-"

"MY TONGUE! IT'S STUCK TO MY CUP!"

"THERE'S LAXATIVE IN MY SOUP! AND THE BATHROOM DOOR WON'T BUDGE!"

"HEY! WHO THE HELL TOOK MY CLOTHES AND PUT THIS _SPANDEX _HERE!"

"YOSH! MY ETERNAL RIVAL, MY SPANDEX THAT I WAS WEARING IS GONE!"

"GAI! GET THE _HELL OUT _OF MY ROOM!"

Shizune and Naruto were _very _quiet.

Naruto was just about to push the tray away, when the Jell-O, as if possessed by a spirit, jumped up on him and attacked his head. The evil, sugarless, fat free Raspberry Jell-O of Ultimate Doom covered his face, suffocating him and relieving him of his breathing rights.

"SAVE ME! CAN'T BREATHE!"

Yumeko gave a satisfied laugh as she marched out of Konoha. Nothing could stop her. She had taken care of the guards (ala the infamous Lip Sticking no Jutsu, those two would have a hard time convincing everyone later that they were not in fact gay) and now she was out on the open road again. Maybe she should go to Suna this time. She had gone to every other village except there, now that she realized it.

Her first victim was the Godaime Kazekage.

Rumor had it, after that particular incident, something happened that caused her to abandon the art of prankmanship forever.

That, and Gaara's hair permanantly became neon pink.

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The end.


End file.
